Free to Breathe Page 15

  When Maggie sat down, Clara and Jean asked me if I would take Molly out of the room to give them some privacy. I felt a little on trial being ejected from my own living room when they did that, but was determined not to allow my lack of confidence to show. I asked Molly if she’d like to help me start dinner and she jumped at the chance. “Can I piggy back, Noah?”

  “Of course, Princess, your chariot awaits,” I replied and bent down. She climbed on my back and I carried her out of the room. I tried not to think too much about what was being said, but my heartbeat raced every time I thought of something that may stop us being together.

  A lot was riding on their visit and as I chopped the shallots and threw them in the pan, I wondered where my ‘fuck you’ attitude could possibly fit in when the authorities came calling. I never found one scenario where I could have had the remotest chance of winning.

  After fifteen minutes in the kitchen with me Molly had gotten bored, done her phonetics, and gotten bored again. She asked if she could play with her dollies and that suited me just fine. I wasn’t used to preparing dinner with a tiny whirlwind at my feet. I agreed as it was straight across the hallway from the kitchen and I could watch her from there.

  I was straining some green beans when Maggie came into the kitchen. She hugged me tightly and offered me reassurance. “They want to talk to you now.” I guess the worry must have shown on my face because Maggie was quick to reassure me, “You’ll be fine, Noah. You’ve got this, there’s nothing for them to know. You’re great with Molly, and I’m sure they saw how fond she is of you. A kid like her wouldn’t be all over you if you weren’t a good person.

  “True.” I smiled and gave her a soft kiss on her lips then pointed at the oven, “Only ten minutes more for the chicken,” I advised and wandered toward the sitting room again. Right before I entered I heard Molly call after me.

  “Are you done making dinner? Can we play a board game now?”

  “Not tonight, sweetheart, we have visitors remember? But I promise we’ll play two board games tomorrow night, okay?” Molly pouted, the look of dejection clear as her tiny shoulders slumped.

  “All right,” she replied and sloped off toward Maggie in the kitchen.

  Turning back, I made my way into the sitting room became aware the atmosphere had softened since the last time I was there.

  “Thanks for coming back, Noah. We only have a few more questions for you today, then we’ll get out of your hair,” Clara informed me

  “Fire away,” I said as I sat back in the sofa in a relaxed pose opposite them. I was used to thousands of women looking at me for hours at a time, but I’d never felt under scrutiny in the way I had with those two watching my every move.

  “We both feel Molly has a genuine affection for you and that appears to be reciprocated by you.”

  “No appearance about it. It’s fact,” I replied unable to stop myself from being defensive at that.

  “Quite, but there is obviously some history around your capacity to parent that both Clara and I need to address,” Jean advised me in a commanding tone.

  “Can I just say something here? There has never been an assessment of my ability to parent. I’ve never been judged on my parenting skills. I have an injunction against me for being violent against another adult who assaulted me first. It had nothing to do with my capacity as a father.”

  “Exactly, Mr. Haxby,” Jean drawled. “You have a violent past and you are a recovering alcoholic, I believe.”

  “Correct on both accounts. I’m not going to deny either of those issues; however, I’d like a fair hearing as to exactly why those issues exist at all.”

  Jean looked to Clara and was about to speak when Clara got in first. “I’d be interested in hearing what you have to say, Noah, as it would help us to form our final decision about Molly’s safety since she’s living in your home.

  Half an hour later I drew in a deep breath and ran my fingers roughly through my hair. I’d poured my heart out without embellishing the facts nor smoothing over the parts that were damning to their decision. I sat forward placing my hands between my knees, rubbed my hands together, then clasped them before I glanced back to them.

  “And you’ve never challenged that decision in court since, Mr. Haxby?” Jean asked. The softness in her tone surprised me because she was obviously the henchman of the pair.

  “I was told I’d never get it removed because I was found guilty of a violent crime.”

  “I see,” Jean replied and communicated something with a look to her colleague before turning back to me.

  “Well I think that concludes our session for today, Mr. Haxby. I’m happy that Molly is safe for now and that you and Maggie have her welfare at the fore. We will be back in the form of some unannounced visits in the future… just to get a bird’s-eye view of your lives together, but in the meantime if there are any illnesses or injuries, Maggie has been asked to contact us so we can document the cause.” I frowned and was about to challenge her when she added, “It’s standard practice when we are considering placing a child on the at-risk register. I’m happy to keep Molly off that list for now. At this present time, I see no problem with Molly remaining here with you and Maggie.”

  How I kept my temper I have no idea. My tolerance levels were waning at the prospect of yet more invasions of our privacy, and the things that she’d said. However, I kept telling myself that Maggie and Molly should never have been in this position in the first place. It was the only reason that kept me from losing my shit with both women.

  I held it together and thanked them for their assistance in ensuring Molly’s safety and I swear Jean Thompson almost fell over. Molly came out the kitchen as they were leaving and raised her arms for me to lift her up into mine. Clara noted this and the way I held her before she turned and walked to her car.

  “Thank you for your cooperation this afternoon, Noah. I know it must have been difficult for you,” she acknowledged.

  “I wouldn’t describe it as difficult, just a little tiresome having to disprove an image I was encouraged to cultivate by my band manager at a young age. That person doesn’t exist in real life, Clara… what you see here is what you get—the real me in all my domestic normalcy,” I replied. She stared deep in thought then nodded her head in a slow and deliberate manner.

  “We’ll be in touch,” she said as she slid behind the wheel of her car and closed the door. A short exchange took place between the two women then Clara drove away.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Maggie

  I fought the urge to say goodbye to the social workers because I had wanted them to see how normal our lives were. Deep down I knew our routine would change and wondered how Noah would change when he went back to work.

  Our relationship had yet to come under that pressure and I hoped we’d continue like we had been doing as much as possible. I hadn’t even met any of his band members. They had all flown back to New York together the day before Noah as he had a photo shoot to do. Hence the reason why Noah was on the same plane as me.

  When I overheard Noah reply at the door as they left I could have punched the air with joy at the answer he gave Clara. It was honest and straight from his soul. My heart squeezed because I knew how hurt he was at having to face such a degrading process to prove himself.

  He wandered into the kitchen with his hands stuffed deep in his pockets; the serious expression he wore said we weren’t out of the woods yet. He silently nodded in Molly's direction but said nothing in front of her.

  Taking a seat beside her he suddenly scooped her out of the chair and swiftly tilted her upside down. The quiet kitchen was instantly filled with the sound of her infectious giggle.

  “You’re crazy, Noah,” she shouted then screamed in a high-pitched shrill of delight.

  “I am, baby girl. Haven’t you heard? I’m a freaky rock star, we’re supposed to be crazy,” he replied as he set her back down on the chair next to him again and began setting the table for dinner.

/>   “Noah, will you sing to me after we've eaten?” she asked, hopefully. Noah stopped what he was doing straight away and sat opposite her. “Why wait until then? We can do that now if you want,” he said with a shrug and a wink.

  Leaning over toward the utensil pot he plucked out two small wooden spoons, gave them to Molly, and began to tap out a beat on the table with his hands. Nodding his head, he encouraged Molly to join in and she began to hit the table with them, trying to copy the beat. Noah began to sing “Don’t Worry Be Happy” by Bobby McFerrin.

  I had begun plating up the food and stopped when I became enthralled watching him engage Molly by singing the song. He chuckled when she mumbled incoherently at the parts she had no clue about and at others when she suddenly became loud and sang with incredible clarity, which was mainly during the chorus.

  Noah’s face broke into a grin often but he kept on nodding to keep her attention and my heart swelled with love for the man that most on the outside would never know the way I did.

  I turned away with a lump in my throat and swallowed with determination because the last thing I wanted to do when they were having such fun was become emotional. Molly had seen me do that too many times in the previous months.

  Once I had composed myself enough, and they had finished the song I placed the food in front of them. Sliding into my seat, I turned to look at Noah who hurriedly placed his hand on the back of my head and pulled me closer. “I love your Aunt Maggie to infinity, Molly… is that okay with you?”

  Molly stuffed a green bean into her mouth then threw her hands in the air. “Hmm. I’m not sure because I don’t know where infinity is,” she replied in all innocence.

  “What he means Molly is Noah will love me until the end of time… I mean forever,” I said quickly correcting myself when I anticipated the ‘when is the end of time’ question that would have been inevitable if I’d left it there.

  “That’s fine by me… but you know I’m part of that package, right?” she added and scooped some mashed potato into her mouth.

  Noah and I chuckled because she’d obviously heard me say that to him and it had stuck in her mind. “Of course. I’d never dream of loving Maggie without loving you as well. Except I love you in a different way from the way I love your auntie.”

  “How?”

  “My love for her is like when my heart bleeds because she’s not in the room beside me.”

  “Yuck,” Molly replied and screwed up her face. My eyes met Noah’s, and I knew he spoke the truth because I knew exactly what he meant. I hated being apart from him.

  “How do you love me?”

  “Ah, that’s a special kind of love. It’s the kind of love that makes me want to wrap you up in a big comforter and keep you safe on the sofa for the rest of your life.”

  “Well I don’t mind you loving me, but I think that would get a bit boring after a while.”

  Noah and I laughed again, then he leaned over and took her little hand in his.

  “What I’m trying to say is if you and your Aunt Maggie are happy then my heart is happy too. If you hurt, I hurt because I know I’d be crazy not to love you.”

  “Are you saying you don’t have a choice to love me?” Noah looked at her like she’d solved a Rubik’s Cube puzzle all by herself and nodded.

  “Got it in one,” he replied and high-fived her.

  She dropped her fork and stared directly at him. “You’re like a dad then. They don’t get a choice to love, they just get whatever comes out of the mommy’s tummy,” she replied oversimplifying the love a father should have for his child.

  I watched the sharp intake of breath he took and saw the way he swallowed like what she’d said hit a raw nerve. He was too choked to speak and nodded slowly.

  “All right, now we’ve established that Noah loves us, let’s eat up before our food gets cold.” Molly picked up her fork again and tucked in without another word, but it took Noah a minute to collect himself before he attempted his.

  After Molly went to bed, we both felt drained and opted for an early night. It had been an emotional day, and I knew Noah hadn’t slept well the night before. I noticed when he spent a long time in the shower that night, but I didn’t go in after him because I sensed he needed some space to reflect and left him to come to bed when he was ready.

  It was almost forty minutes before he came to bed and when I saw the red rims around his eyes my heart was in pain.

  “Are you, okay?”

  “No… but I’m getting there. Those women just got to me earlier, you know?”

  “You were fabulous today, Noah.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. I don’t know many men who could have taken that in their stride with what you’ve had hanging over your head all these years.”

  “Difference is I had no choice except to cope. It was either that or lose you and Molly, and I’m damned if I’m gonna let that happen.”

  “You won’t lose us, honey. Let them do their job and see for themselves who you are. I won’t ask more of you than that.”

  Noah reached out and scooted down the bed with me, pulling me tightly to him in a spooning position. He kissed my shoulder and smoothed my hair.

  “I’ve gone through this once before with Rudi. I don’t think I could live if I lost you both.” He hugged me tighter until I stretched to free myself and turned toward him.

  “You made a mistake, Noah. One mistake like you said. Those women that were here today aren’t stupid. They’ve seen it all… the good, the bad, and the liars of this world who relish in their actions of hurting innocent children or women. They’d have to be insane not to know you’re not like them after today.”

  Noah dipped his head and took my mouth in a gentle kiss, “You’re so good for me, sweetheart. I can’t believe how lucky I am.”

  “You need to stop saying that like this is all on you. It’s not. I need you more than you know. My life felt over before us.”

  He began to stroke my hair softly then pulled back to look at me, “We were made for each other. We’re a force together and two broken people apart.” I agreed with his statement but didn’t say anything, then he leaned in and kissed me again this time sliding his tongue into my mouth as his hand slid to my butt.

  Pressing me closer my hand moved to his cock, and I felt it stir. I stroked him gently and felt my hand open as his shaft extended in arousal to full length. I broke the kiss and rolled him onto his back, then worshipped his hard body by peppering kisses down his torso until I was level with his groin. Without a moment’s hesitation there I took him into my mouth.

  A sharp gasp of pleasure escaped his lips as his legs fell wider apart and he adjusted his butt. I rolled my tongue around the head and sucked him deeply into my mouth taking pleasure from the storm brewing in his eyes as I watched him fall under my control.

  His hands swept up my hair, and he held it tightly then rocked at the pace to fulfil his need.

  “Fuck, Maggie, you wreck me,” he murmured in a raspy voice laced with lust.

  When he thrust deeper, I gagged and my pussy clenched at the salty taste of pre-cum coating my mouth. When he became more animated and fucked my mouth, I thought he was going to come, but he pulled out and flipped me onto my back.

  Dragging me to the edge of the bed his tongue glided between my spread legs; a low groan escaped from his throat then he stood lifting me high above him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he slid me down spearing me steadily with his cock and bit my neck as I took him inside me.

  I moaned softly in ecstasy as his expert hands, the speed of his penetration and rhythm he set for us made me wild with desire. As he gathered pace, I became so excited I rode him almost as fast as he moved deep inside me.

  His smooth hard hands appeared to know exactly where they were needed and within a few minutes I could feel the familiar tightening only he had ever achieved with me with penetrative sex. In a few more heartbeats my legs began to tremble, in another they shook violently as I clu
ng to him for safety while I lost control when I came.

  Tight arms embraced me, keeping me safe as his pace continued relentlessly and white heat scorched behind my eyes as the pleasure he gave me rained down on every cell in my body. My heart pounded in my chest and a scream of pure ecstasy tore from my mouth, I barely recognized it was me, until he covered my mouth and muffled the noise coming out of me.

  Seconds later Noah stopped and became rigid. He groaned again and bit into my shoulder as his cock pulsated deep inside and I hugged it deep in my core as his warm seed pumped in short spasms. Noah looked up briefly then dipped his head down and buried his face in the crook of my neck. “Tell me you’re mine always, Maggie.”

  I swallowed roughly at the torture in his voice, “I’m yours.”

  As soon as we’d both cleaned up and climbed into bed, Noah resumed his favorite position of spooning against me. He slid one hand under my ribs and cupped a breast and wrapped the other around my waist. Nothing was said until we were both almost asleep then Noah said, “If… and it’s a big if, they leave us alone, do you think we could adopt Molly?”

  My chest swelled with love for him. It was one thing to be a father but quite another to want to be a father to someone else’s child.

  “I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it. Shona was her mom.”

  “Where is her dad? We’ve never spoken about him and I’ve wondered when you were going to bring the subject up, but you never have.”

  “Shona would never discuss it with us. She took that knowledge to her grave,” I said, saddened for Molly about that. “When she left to catch up with your tour, I went through her room with a fine-tooth comb. None of her friends knew either or if they did, they’ve never said. I tried again after she died, but they gave me the same answer, so I guess they really never knew.”

  Letting out a deep sigh, Noah snuggled his head against his pillow, kissed me softly on the back of the head and fell silent. I lay thinking about what he said and knew he was right. Molly deserved parents, not to grow up an orphan with an elderly aunt as guardian by the time she had kids, and I promised Noah I’d look into the legalities of it when I got home from work the following day.