Free to Breathe Page 13

  “It’s one hell of a commitment,” George added.

  “True, but I feel I really want to spend my life with her.”

  “And what does she say to that?”

  “She’s scared… she voiced that, so I haven’t even expressed my true feelings for her yet.”

  “For Christ’s sake, Noah, she’s got a kid.”

  “Correction, she’s got a kid, and that happened to her because of me.”

  “You think you’re responsible, is that it? Is that what all this is?”

  “Not at all. I’m saying Maggie has Molly because her sister got drunk and died on my watch. And let me tell you, Maggie’s not in the least bit star-struck like everyone else. She hated me before she knew the real me. I’m saying the child is hers by default. That wasn’t a decision Maggie was in control of. I don’t care that she’s part of the package. I’m happy to be in Molly’s life. She’s a very sweet kid.”

  “Damn, Noah, you’ve got it real bad. There’s nothing I can say that will make you feel different, huh?”

  “Nope. The reason I rang was to ask if you had any advice about how I should try to manage this? Like I said, Maggie’s scared. And the media isn’t my friend.”

  “Then fuck them. Put her right out there. Tell her she’s got to face the press head on. Fuck… tell her to thank them for throwing you together with their accusations.”

  “She’s worried about her job if being with me causes a shit storm.”

  “Tell her she’ll be fine. You know how hard it is to get good teachers these days? It’s in the news every day about schools failing targets.”

  “How the fuck would you know that?”

  “What, you think because I like getting stoned most days I don’t know what’s going on in the world?” I laughed because he was right, most days he was so chilled and laid back he was almost horizontal. It surprised me he paid attention to anything.

  Our conversation shifted to another bandmate, Vinny, our drummer. His drug problem had begun to affect his ability to keep time. Annalise and Steve had already expressed their concerns, and we had been considering an intervention. George had pushed for us put it to Vinny to see if he could get his shit together during our hiatus. But according to Steve when he’d visited Vinny twice, both times he was living in squalor and was off his face high.

  I agreed the time had long past for us to call a meeting with the remaining band member and arrange to confront Vinny about his habit. We were all concerned and decided if he agreed to go to rehab we were prepared to postpone the start of our new album until he got his shit under control. None of us wanted to consider our options if Vinny wouldn’t agree because we knew he’d be hard to replace.

  The following morning, I could still smell Maggie’s scent in my bed and the smell of sex lingered in the air. I wanted to see her again that day and Facetimed her as soon as I knew she’d be free. When she answered I felt breathless at the sight of her. She was make-up free and even though she was older, there was a purity about her that I had rarely seen in any other woman. Her gorgeous blonde locks were tied up in one of those messy buns and the tie had already slipped from it because her hair was so silky it couldn’t grip properly.

  “G’morning, gorgeous. You look so fucking appealing I could eat you. Wish I was there,” I confessed and leaned closer to the screen. Her eyes lit up when a slow smile spread on her lips and she looked down like she was slightly embarrassed at the compliment. “God, I love that you blush,” I said. She glanced at the screen and rewarded me with a coy smile and my heart ached because instead of talking through a machine I wanted to be with her.

  “Will you let me come over there?” I asked and was disappointed when she shook her head.

  “I really need to see you face to face, Maggie. I have something to tell you.”

  Her expression was concerned before but after I said that she looked outright worried.

  “Don’t worry it's nothing bad.” I said quickly in reassurance and saw her visibly relax.

  “Why can’t you tell me here?” she asked, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

  “What I have to say isn’t the kind of thing you tell someone like this.” She fell silent and stared at the screen.

  “So… may I come over?”

  “I thought we agreed—”

  “We did, and there’s slow and habitually slow. It’s been weeks and after what happened last night we need to talk.” I was done with the slow courtship. I could see by the look she gave me she thought I was blowing her out, and I was quick to add, “I mean I’d like to talk about how we move things forward between us.”

  She relaxed again and looked pleased even though she tried to hide that and sat further back in her chair. She wasn’t as good at self-awareness as she thought because her face registered her surprise.

  “Listen, we can’t do this in a Facetime call. Please let me come to see you.”

  Maggie glanced to her watch then back to the screen. “How can I come there without being seen?”

  Mom met Maggie in the parking lot of a diner about three miles from their home and drove her back to the house. I watched her clamber out of the back seat. My heart squeezed because it felt insulting that we had been reduced to secret tactics to protect our flourishing relationship.

  I shook my head because I felt bad that she’d had to make the journey and I scrambled down the stairs to meet her. My heart beat faster with every step nearer I got to her. I had almost reached the door when it opened, and Mom moved past me.

  When Mom moved out of the way Maggie stood in front of me wearing a nervous smile. When our eyes met her lips curved up further, and she looked more reassured. Dressed adorably in a cropped, pink mohair sweater and tight-fitting skinny jeans it was hard to believe she was in her thirties.

  Moving toward her, I slid my warm hands around her cool skin at the waist and felt her shiver in my arms. Her breath hitched, and she glanced up into my eyes. “Good to know I’ve still got the touch,” I joked and bent to kiss her softly on the mouth. Maggie pulled away and looked past me. “They already know, remember?” I teased because of the anxious look on her face. “We’re not ten years old, Maggie.”

  “What did you want to talk to me about?” she asked in a worried tone.

  “Hello to you too, sweetheart,” I said, in a voice laced with sarcasm.

  “Sorry, I feel like a crazy teenager sneaking around like this.”

  “That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. Come into the den and sit down. Dad’s at physical therapy and Mom’s ordering supplies with the housekeeper from the sounds of things,” I replied and led her out the hallway to gain some privacy.

  When she sat down, I sat close and slung my arm around the back of the sofa behind her head. “All right, Maggie. I didn’t want to do this in a Facetime call so now that you’re here I have something to say.”

  Maggie stared at her hands for a second then looked up with her piercing blue eyes into mine. “This shouldn’t come as a surprise to you, but here goes. The last six weeks have been the happiest I’ve felt in years.” I took her delicate hand in mine and kissed her knuckles. “I’ve never been a patient man, yet I’ve had to learn to be that with you. I wondered why at first, then it dawned on me less than a day ago that you were worth the wait. What I’m trying to say, Maggie, is I’m in love with you… actually, I’m all in and I don’t really give a fuck who knows it.”

  Maggie sat and listened intently as she chewed the inside of her cheek. Her eyes searched my face for the truth. I’d never been more serious in my life about anything.

  “You’re asking me to throw myself and Molly wide open. I’d be ridiculed. I’m not as strong as you are—”

  “No you won’t,” I scowled. “If you feel anything for me, then we should do this properly. Fuck the press. I give them two weeks max and they’ll forget all about us. Let’s show them we can’t be shaken. I really want you in my life, Maggie. If you decided you wanted me, t
hen you’d have to be prepared for us to go public at some point. What I’m saying is if you feel… this too, then we should get that out of the way.” I stared intently into her eyes and drew in a sharp breath. “Do you feel how I feel or am I a fling?”

  Maggie’s head reeled back, a look of disbelief in her eyes. “A fling? God, no. You think I’d have snuck around with you at all if that’s what I wanted? I’ll admit that first kiss… I gave into it because it had been so long since I’d been kissed by any man. Then I realized I was kidding myself. It was because it was you kissing me. What we did yesterday? I can still feel your touch on my body. I remember how you felt inside me. My heart burned with pain when I had to go home. Then afterwards… I admitted to myself that I’d fallen for you.”

  The grin on my face felt a mile wide, and I dipped my head to kiss her. Instead of my lips meeting hers, her fingers pressed against them to stop me.

  “Once I’d accepted I loved you, do you know what my immediate afterthought was?” I shook my head, smiling warmly. “I wondered how long it would be before you hurt me.”

  My smile froze on my lips. “Never. I’d never knowingly hurt you, baby. I know the risk you’d take with me. And I’m aware of how difficult I am to love, given what’s happened to me in the past. All I ask is for this one chance. I promise it’s all I’ll need, and I’ll show you how serious I am about us.”

  For a few seconds she sat staring down at her hands and from how I’d gotten to know her I knew she’d never be rushed into something. I gave her the time she needed to gather her thoughts and waited patiently for her to reply. When she shifted to the edge of the sofa and turned her eyes to mine, I held my breath.

  “Shona is barely in her grave, Noah. I feel like I’ve done something wrong by being with you when she was the one besotted with you in the first place.”

  “Shona was a fan, Maggie. None of that stuff is real. She followed a rock star. She didn’t know me for who I was. How can you feel like that when I never even met her?”

  I took her hands in mine and brushed my thumbs over her knuckles. “I get your loyalty, but we’re here and I was a fantasy to Shona. This is a time for new beginnings for both of us, baby.” I prayed she wouldn’t place any more obstacles in our way as she thought about my comment.

  “Then what? What happens now?”

  “Now we fuck everyone who gets in our way and learn to live our lives the way we want.”

  “And when you tour?”

  “I’ll do it when Molly is on school break. We’ll hire a decent nanny, someone with incredible qualifications for the nights when I’m playing and the rest of the time we’ll be like any other regular family.”

  “What about school… the parents… my career?”

  “Like I said, I respect your work, but they’re part of the fuck you club if they can’t see how amazing you are. If they judge you for being with me I don’t want you around them, but that’s your call, Maggie. You can either keep doing what you do and ride it out, or you can flip them the bird and move on.”

  For a few seconds she pondered what I said and I willed her to take that leap of faith with me because there was nothing I wanted more in life than to be with her. Every second I spent with her I fell in love a little more and I had yet to find some way of making her understand that.

  “All right, Noah. But… I’m petrified. For some reason I feel as if I’m going to be obliterated by the media, but I guess I’m more afraid of not jumping in with both feet and taking a chance on what I feel could be an incredible life with you.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Maggie

  It was one thing agreeing to be Noah Haxby’s girlfriend in the sanctuary of his parent’s house, and quite another when he shrugged himself into his brown leather jacket and insisted on picking Molly up from school with me.

  My heart pounded in my chest as his mom drove us back to my car closely followed by Eamon his bodyguard in the car behind. I felt ill prepared for what I imagined would be a public onslaught of my personal life by the press. And I wasn’t wrong.

  Arriving at Molly’s school, Noah slid out the passenger seat and jogged around the bonnet, pulling my door open for me. Extending his strong hand to me I slipped mine into it. He escorted me out then tugged me into his chest. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, the more confident you look the less people will stare.” He kissed my temple, slid the keys from my hand, and locked the doors with the fob.

  Eamon had followed behind in another car and strolled toward us, “Hang back, bud, I got this, it’s only school moms,” he told him and released me from his hold to grab my hand. “Lead the way, baby, I can’t wait to see Molly again." I was pleased because how he and Molly would be together was one of my biggest concerns.

  “School moms can be vicious,” I warned him, but he smiled warmly and squeezed my hand in a silent we-got-this gesture. “So can Noah Haxby, Maggie. No one fucks with my girl. I got you, honey,” he said with protective conviction. His words gave me butterflies. I hadn’t been anyone’s girl for a very long time and I felt he had meant every word.

  As we walked up to the waiting area, head after head turned in our direction before I heard excited stage whispers as the moms at Molly’s school began to gossip. Jealous stares and snarky comments tore through the crowd like wildfire and the consensus was that Noah could do much better.

  “Good on her, he’s a lucky man. I’ve had a few fantasies myself of what I could do to that woman,” one of the dads told another. Noah’s body stiffened, and he turned to look the dad directly in the eye.

  “That’s my woman you’re talking about. Shut your mouth,” he said, and followed up with a small frustrated growl. “People need to learn to mind their own business and keep their noses out of other people’s,” he added.

  Adrenaline ran through my body as multiple emotions engulfed me all at once and I knew there and then if a relationship was going to work between us I had to be much stronger and less self-conscious than I’d been.

  Turning to look at Noah, I smiled affectionately, and he bent his head placing a soft kiss on my mouth. “That’s it baby, don’t let them get to you. Jealousy is a bitch,” he mumbled against my lips.

  I squeezed his hand, grateful for his support and turned toward the door to watch for Molly coming out. The urgent gossip continued around us and both Noah and I allowed it to go over our heads until we heard a comment neither of us could ignore.

  “I heard from my friend she’s supposed to be on compassionate leave from her school. What’s he doing, fucking her grief away?”

  Noah swung around to face the woman, but kept a firm hold of my hand. His grip tightened in anger and I became worried at how he’d respond.

  “Have you nothing better to do? Yes, Maggie’s grieving, but we’re also in love. We didn’t choose the timing of this. When you lose someone like she has, it brings life into perspective, or perhaps you’ve yet to experience that feeling?” The young woman looked awkwardly first to Noah then to me, shame staining her face at being singled out by him.

  “Losing someone close teaches you what you may never have understood before. Life is short. If you find love, don’t deny it. Grab it with your whole heart. Love deeply. Love with passion and never be afraid to go all in because we never know when our time will come to lose that person.”

  My heart swelled and squeezed at how eloquent his words were and at how confidently he’d delivered them. His words were straight from the heart and packed with emotion and I was in awe of his maturity and emotional understanding.

  The waiting area fell silent, but I saw a few women recording us on their cells and cringed. "Now if you’ve nothing constructive to say to Maggie, I’ll say this to you, but it’s for everyone here. Do us a solid. Quit recording us. Maggie and I think what we have is the real deal. We’re finding our feet as a couple and Maggie could do with some support from her community right now, not catty remarks and jealousy or selling a minute’s worth of video for the press to tear
us apart.”

  The tension was broken by the sound of children bursting through the door at the end of the school day and I welcomed the distraction. Parents greeted their kids and slipped into their normal home-time routines. Molly’s eyes were as wide as saucers when she saw who I’d brought with me to meet her.

  “Noah,” she shrieked and ran full pelt at him. Her arms went around his hips and she hugged him tightly, with her cheek resting on his jeans. Noah smirked. “Why are you here?” she asked excitedly then pulled her head away to look up at him. It was clear that in the short time she’d known him he’d wormed his way into her affections as much as he had into mine.

  “Hmm… let me see… maybe it was because I wanted to spend time with my two beautiful girls,” he stated. Molly clapped her hands, jumping up and down with excitement. She was obviously delighted by his answer. Relief ran through me and I felt encouraged by her response because the last thing she needed was even more change to contend with. Then I reminded myself that children were far more adaptable than adults.

  Neither of us could believe our luck when nothing was mentioned in the press and as time passed, I was amazed that we’d been cut a break and none of the people that were at Molly’s school had said anything publicly. Then began to wonder if perhaps Shona’s death was the real story after all.

  Either way, we were delighted by the lack of intrusion and once Molly broke up for summer break, we felt the pressure was off. For months we’d maintained our privacy while Molly enjoyed sharing her time between us and Noah’s parent’s place.

  As time moved on, so did our relationship and Noah and I became closer with every day that passed. The summer was slow and relaxing which had been great from Molly’s perspective, as it gave her some security to spend most of her time with myself and Noah or with Noah’s parents. By the time the summer came to a close it had been more than half a year since Shona’s death, and with fall right around the corner it came time for me to go back to work.