Free to Breathe Read online

  He stuffed his hands in his jean pockets and stood quietly while I took a minute to gather my thoughts because I had no clue what to say. Then I looked into his eyes, but words still failed me. I stared in an awkward silence and he stared back. The connection I felt when we’d kissed was the deepest I’d ever known and beyond words, yet I felt foolish at the same for almost losing control to him.

  Eventually it was Noah who broke our stalemate when he dipped his head and brushed his lips against mine. “What do you say?” I had almost forgotten the question… and barely held back a grin that threatened when I thought his kisses could probably make me forget everything.

  “I say I’m scared, Noah.”

  For a moment he looked disappointed at my answer but the heat I’d seen in his eyes grew darker and he looked more determined as he closed the space between us again. Suddenly it felt like he had something to prove and he took my mouth in another hungry kiss.

  His kisses made me feel desired, safe, and needed, and I never wanted them to end. This time Noah wasn’t satisfied to feel my breast through my clothing and I felt his hand when it slid under the sweater he gave me as he fondled my breast through my top. His thumb strummed over my nipple through my lacy bra and thin top.

  “Do you know how much I want to wrap my lips around this?” he mumbled around my mouth before his tongue sunk deeply back into it again. He pulled my top free of my pants and slid his cold wandering hand inside my bra. My breath hitched sharply at the cold sensation when his hand touched my skin and he broke the kiss and smiled against my lips.

  Suddenly we grabbed at each other as our need grew with every passing second and the labored sound of Noah’s ragged breaths made me squeeze my thighs together. I moaned loudly when pleasure turned to frustration and I slid my hand to rest over his jeans. Feeling the outline of his hard cock through them.

  My fingertips grazed his length as Noah broke the kiss, stepped away and gave me an agonized smile. Once again, he mussed my hair when he ran his fingers through it and the intense look in his eyes made me melt as he cleared his throat and touched his swollen lips with his fingertips.

  “Jesus, I almost took you right here, against the wall.”

  “No, you didn’t. I’d have stopped you,” I replied with a hint of uncertainty in my voice. In all honesty, I wasn’t that confident I could have.

  “I guess my threshold is lower than yours then because that last kiss was getting pretty fucking hot.”

  “Maybe… geez, this is awkward. We shouldn’t have gone that far. For God’s sake look at you, you’re a hot young rock star, Noah. You can have most women. Why me? Do you feel sorry for me because of what’s happened?

  “Is that what you think this is?” he asked and scowled, “Did that feel like it would have been a pity fuck if we hadn’t stopped?”

  “No but I’m feeling pretty vulnerable right now. I don’t know much about anything.”

  “I can understand that especially given everything you’ve probably ever read about me. God, that sounded arrogant, but that’s not the real me.”

  “I knew what you meant. You’re not arrogant. Okay, I’m going to bite… say we went ahead with this? What happens when the media get a hold of it?”

  “Fuck them. Why do you care what they say? They don’t matter… so long as we always focus on our relationship they can all go to Hell. I’m tired of letting them ruin my happiness; it’s time they learned I have a real life, not the one they prefer to write about.”

  “I feel old.”

  “You are old.”

  I frowned feeling hurt, “Thanks,” I mumbled, and my heart suddenly felt heavy.

  “No, sweetheart, that’s not what I meant. What I mean is the story of us is old news. I’ve gone to great lengths to ensure people know the truth—nothing happened—so this time they’ll be less keen to report it.”

  I considered his comments while he watched me intently and I never saw any sign of doubt.

  “To be honest, my head has been turned by you. I can’t believe someone like you would be interested in someone like me. I’m nothing special,” I said in all honestly.

  “Someone like you? You’re the hottest woman I’ve ever known, Maggie. Look at you… you’re incredibly beautiful. Don’t you have any idea how amazing you are?” he asked as he caught my chin between his thumb and forefinger. He looked again into my eyes, his stare piercing my soul, then he leaned in and brushed his lips over mine like it was his new favorite pastime.

  “Can we keep things low key between us for now?” I asked, giving into my want of him without saying as much.

  “Because?”

  “Because I want to know if this is a flash in the pan or is it leading somewhere? Molly needs stability and other than those reasons, being with you could affect my work,” I stated. My mind flitted back to some of the parents I had dealt with. How would they feel to know I was responsible for their children while I was fucking a rock star? To a lot of people rock stars equal no morals.

  “I can tell you now, Maggie, there’s plenty of spark but I’m not doing this lightly. Low key it is. You can dictate the terms.. I’m home for a good year because we’re making an album, so we won’t be touring during that time. It should give you enough time to decide if I’m worth it or not.”

  My heart flipped over in my chest at how serious his tone was and the time he was offering me to know if we clicked. The thought of spending more time with him excited me beyond measure, but I was worried. What if I got too attached to someone who would leave to pursue his fame elsewhere? I’d still be left behind and more importantly, so would Molly.

  “We best head back to the house. I don’t want to leave Molly for too long. She’s been with too many people lately.” I mumbled, changing the subject. Noah didn’t react to my switch and began to lead the way back.

  When we began walking, Noah took my hand and spoke about the logistics of how we could meet privately and the precautions he’d put in place to keep our time together away from the press. His plan appeared bulletproof, and it made me wonder for a moment if he’d used it often.

  It transpired that Noah used a lodge house owned by his family as a private retreat. It was situated on the same estate about a mile from the main house. He told me it was his bolt-hole whenever he needed solitude and that his parents weren’t intrusive people so we’d be able to relax there. Then he added we’d probably need his mom’s help from time to time with Molly. I reminded him we came as a package and I was surprised when he didn’t blink about that.

  Everything he said sounded as if he was serious about getting to know me better. I was reserved but had to admit I felt the same. The only thing that nagged me was whether I was making a sensible decision, especially as Molly was part of the package.

  We had only been gone from the house for around forty minutes but when we arrived back Molly was sound asleep, curled up on the rug in front of the fire. “I took her out to the barn with Eamon and she exhausted herself by climbing over all the stacks. She’s tuckered out. Afterward I gave her some hot chocolate with roasted marshmallows and she flaked right out on the floor five minutes later.”

  I glanced at my watch and saw it was an hour past her bedtime. “I better get her home. It’s late, and it’s a school night, Noah.”

  Nodding, he pulled out his phone and texted. “Eamon will come around to the front in five minutes. I’m sorry I can’t see you safely home, Maggie, but Eamon is a good substitute. He left the room and returned with a soft blanket.

  Kneeling by Molly he spread it over his legs and tucked his arms under Molly’s shoulders and knees. Next, he scooped her up onto his thighs and wrapped the blanket firmly around her. He rose to his feet slowly and looked down at her face like she was precious to him already and my heart fluttered in my chest at the way he had taken care of her. After that I liked him even more.

  Molly stirred in his arms, “Shh, it’s okay, cutie. We’re just going to put you into the car with your Aunt Magg
ie so she can take you home to bed,” he said then kissed her temple. It was such a natural act a father would do that a lump formed in my throat. I thought how difficult it must have been for him to be without his son all this time and a pang of sympathy burst in my chest

  Affectionately he smiled at his mom and said, “Thanks for taking care of Molly for a while.”

  “It was my pleasure to be able to see that beautiful wide smile on your face right now. Maggie’s company obviously agrees with you,” she replied and winked at me.

  I felt myself turn red because I was both embarrassed and endeared. I was quite a bit older than Noah and I wasn’t sure if I’d have wanted any son of mine tied up with a woman approaching her mid-thirties.

  Fortunately, I never got the chance to dwell on that last thought as Eamon turned up. Noah carried Molly to the car and suggested I got in the back seat with her. Eamon added it would perhaps be a good idea if I pulled the blanket over the both of us until we reached the Freeway, just in case there was a lone camera out there.

  Noah didn’t kiss me again, and I was torn but I knew he was only being extra careful not to overstep with me. I guess he sensed he’d push me away if I wasn’t ready. The only outward sign of affection he showed was when he closed the door and he pressed his hand on the window and looked deep into my eyes.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow, Maggie. Sleep well, beautiful,” he added. Shoving his hands deep into his pockets he stood and watched as we drove away. I watched him until I could no longer see him in the distance and Eamon’s voice brought my attention back to the journey.

  “You may want to slip that blanket over your head now, Maggie, we’re only half a mile from the main road.”

  I did as he suggested and wondered how my ever-changing life was going to pan out and whether I was a fool to even try to love someone like Noah Haxby.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Maggie

  Right up to summer break, Noah kept his word and allowed me to move our relationship along at a slow pace. We Facetimed, called each other, and talked for hours during the day when Molly was at school to get to know more about each other, and then again in a more Molly friendly call so he and Molly could get to know each other as well.

  During our time, Noah told me some truths that I hated, like how it was for him in the early days. From how he spoke I knew he was a little ashamed of the way he was back then, but he wanted there to be no secrets between us, which suited me fine. I’d have hated to go the distance only to find some piece of his history I couldn’t get past.

  Our dates were less than conventional for most ordinary people, let alone a rock star who had seen and done most things, but Noah showed me how serious he was by persevering with my pace. When he told me about his life, mine had felt dull in comparison, but the Facetime calls were a great way to build on the relationship we’d started in such strange circumstances.

  Thursdays became our routine visit to his parents instead of just his. It was a safe, private place where we could spend private time together away from prying eyes, and although it had felt a bit weird to begin with, Noah argued nothing was weird after how we got together in the first place.

  The first time his mom offered to keep Molly occupied because we, “Had things to do away from little ears and eyes” I almost fell through the floor at her blunt explanation and I felt like an awkward teenager again.

  After picking up Molly, she pulled the door closed, and I moved sideways to the small window and watched them get smaller as they walked away. I was lost in thought as Molly skipped her way toward the trees when I felt Noah’s heavy breath on my shoulder. Placing his strong hands either side of the window frame, he kept me in place. Leaning forward he inhaled deeply into my hair.

  “God, you smell good,” he muttered and took one hand away, sweeping my hair to one side. Bending his head, he placed his soft lips on the sweet spot on my neck and my head rolled automatically to the side giving him greater access.

  “Damn, so responsive, baby, I love that,” he mumbled in a low voice and continued his ministrations around my neck and shoulders after he’d placed his hand back against the wood on the other side of me. The fact that his lips were the only part of him that was touching me made what he did feel more erotic.

  Continuing to pepper kisses on my skin, I couldn’t hold back the soft sighs and weak moans that escaped because it took every ounce of free will to resist turning around to face him. His mouth worshiped such a small area of my body, but it aroused me so much and made me ache with anticipation of his touch.

  “Do you like how I make you feel, Maggie?” he whispered, in a voice that sounded sinful.

  “Uh-huh,” I replied, licking my dry lips as my entrance squeezed tight.

  “Do you want me to touch you, baby?” he teased, and he ran his tongue from my collar bone to my ear. A shiver tore down my back as my nipples crimped and my whole body shook slightly with need.

  “Yes,” I whimpered in a weak, soft voice as my addiction to Noah grew.

  “Like this?” he taunted again as his hands left the window frame and traced down my sides. He dragged his wet tongue quickly from my neck to my ear again and stuck it inside. Fresh gooseflesh erupted over every inch of me. Another long shiver made my skin feel electric and my heart pumped like crazy.

  His warm arms curled around my waist from behind and pulled me roughly against him. My breath hitched, and he chuckled softly into my ear.

  “Am I turning you on, Maggie?”

  “A little,” I answered afraid to admit to how he made me feel. He laughed louder because he saw through my lie by how much my body was responding to his touch.

  Noah inhaled deeply then let out a slow shuddery breath, “Fuck, you smell so delicate, yet I don’t think you will be once I’m inside you.” His remark hinted at the sexual power he possessed, and it took me off guard, making my heartbeat treble. I held my breath in anticipation of what he’d do next.

  Grabbing the hem of my top he lifted it up. He stopped when I tried to turn and placed his hands on my hips, keeping me in place.

  “Stay right where you are; I’m enjoying unveiling you by the fading light,” he whispered close to my ear. I sighed and felt in awe that someone as amazing as Noah would think like that, even for one minute in relation to me. His words sent a shiver of need down my spine because the combination of his hot breath as it fanned my skin and his words laced with intent made me breathless.

  “I’m in no hurry to take you yet, this is enough… for now,” he informed me softly as his gentle hands explored more of me. “I aim to please my woman by taking her slowly,” he whispered again, except this time in a sexy mock French accent. I smiled at that, but it was a short distraction because the combination of his hot breath on my skin and his playful tone had ignited the fire within me.

  Staring out the window at the twilight I became conscious of each breath I inhaled and exhaled. They sounded raged and uneven. From the way Noah took control it was clear he knew what he was doing, and I was glad one of us did. I was amazed by the way he deliberately targeted only one erogenous zone but had still managed to gain total control of all of my senses. His unhurried dominance sent thrills of desire through my body and my trust in him grew greater with every minute that passed.

  “You make me feel weak, Maggie,” he murmured, in a low seductive tone as he stripped my top from my body then discarded it on the floor. I closed my eyes and felt glad I was facing away from him because my figure wasn’t slender and lean like the women he was normally seen with.

  Noah’s hands slid around my hips again, one snapping open the button on my jeans. His hands slid up to my breasts, and he held each one firmly in his hands as he pulled me back to lean against him.

  “So fucking beautiful, baby,” he muttered near my ear. I felt his erect cock poking into my back as he did this. Separating from me he slid his hands back down to my hips and his fingertips grazed my skin next to the rough denim waistband. A sharp jolt of elect
ricity coursed through my body making my core clench tighter. My breath hitched again, and a small vibration of need rocked deep within me.

  Crouching down, he tugged my jeans down my legs to the floor and made short work of removing those too. He added them to the growing pile of clothes on the floor as the silence between us weighed heavily in the air as I tried to contain the feelings of lust that swirled all around me. “Relax,” he whispered, placing a gentle feather-light kiss from behind on one thigh then the other. My heart raced frantically as the nerves in my stomach balled tightly at the sound of that single word.

  Palming my calves, he slid his strong warm hands from them up to my thighs. Fresh wetness pulled at my entrance as my knees almost buckled.

  “Steady, sweetheart,” he murmured in a low sensual tone, then a soft chuckle escaped his throat. “Your skin is exquisite… like porcelain. Has anyone ever told you that?” he asked in a serious tone as he lifted one foot and spread my legs wider. In a long sweeping movement his warm gentle hands glided up my smooth legs, around and over my thighs to the front and trailed back around until he slid them over my butt cheeks. “Stunning,” he said through a breath.

  “Not really,” I replied in a barely there voice as I quivered with anticipation again.

  “Have you any idea how hard it is to touch you this slowly when all I want to do is to flatten your beautiful firm tits against this window and fuck you as hard as you can take it?”

  I wondered if I could get any wetter between my thighs when I heard his admission and a new bout of self-consciousness washed over me. I never imagined anything like what was happening right then, to happen to me—ever.

  Standing in front of a window in a vulnerable undressed state was so far removed from who I was. My cheeks were on fire and I felt like an unsure teenager for a moment, but I was soon distracted from that thought when Noah suddenly knelt, lifted one leg over his shoulder, and repositioned his head between my open legs. My heart did a somersault in my chest. I ran my dry tongue over my lips.